Love is the only conviction you'll ever need

Your mind is a sick place. When you know that things are on the verge of falling into pieces, your mind immediately tries to find solace at some place else. Simply because your college life is going to end you begin sending sentimental emails and try socialising with juniors hoping to get more and more sympathy. I’m not saying this. This is a Third Person’s perspective. Not mine. If anyone comes in front of me and tells me all this, I’ll kick his @$$. But it’s true. And tell me what else can a person do? My parents don’t live with me, or else I could have told them. Even though I may wish to go home for a break, I cannot. Some people ask me why is it that I like to stay in the college till late in the evening. I say it’s because my plight along with few of my friends is like a cancer patient who knows he’s going to die in a few days. So the doctor asks him to enjoy as much as he can.

It’s like asking someone to put his life in order in a span of few days, for which you thought you had years. And here too love is all that anyone needs, from anyone. Because when your primary source gets exhausted you start looking for greener pastures. Darwin’s theory of survival. When the resources in your habitat begins to deplete, you move to better and more fertile lands. Same is the case here. For me and my friends. Its not that I am trying to socialise more with juniors because my friends don’t understand me. It’s because my friends are going through the same situation. They too need emotional release. I may use one way, they may use others.

Some might feel that Third Year students are crackpots. But the irony is all the Third Year students have been crackpots and they’ll continue to be. One who is proactive at BKMIBA-HLBBA simply cannot fathom the prospect of leaving the institute. And the problem is the people whom I’m trying to mingle simply cannot understand how it feels.

Maybe I’m asking too much, I don’t know. You need to experience to understand it. But this is one experience I would suggest one should not go through. It’s threatening and even horrifying to a certain extent. Get a girl friend or boy friend I would say. At least you can part after having some fight or something. Or maybe you get tired with each other. Here, it’s not the case. Here, the more you give, the more you’ll get in return. It’s like quicksand. The more you try to get out, the more you get in. It’s like sweet poison. Nothing devilish about it, yet one likes to be in that aura. An aura that binds them, that surrounds them, which makes people feel at home. Or maybe more than just that.

And why does this happen? Because its love. You love the college for all that it has to offer and you can offer back. Even though it has its own set of flaws, you love it; because every human being too has flaws, can’t an institute have any? I know students other than from BKMIBA-HLBBA might say that this guy has gone nuts, he’s a weirdo who feels he knows too much Shakespearian English, but then, as I always say, this is my blogspot not yours. So buzz off.

All I want to say is that sometimes, or rather most of the times in life; Love is all the conviction you’ll ever need. When you know someone loves you, someone cares about you; you feel that you don’t need anything else in life. And don’t perceive the word ‘love’ with that perverted mind of yours. I’m talking about love which you don’t find in this world these days. Not physical, not temporary, but eternal. Something which we have forgotten to experience years ago by watching too many ‘k’ type serials. I don’t want to debate on that any further.

You know sometimes I curse myself that am I not capable of handling my own self? I’ve already turned 18, so I’m expected to be an adult and think like one if not act like one. But the truth is every adult has a child within him or her, which makes him/her insecure. And until you have someone, you feel empty, incomplete, hollow… I talk to mom everyday; yet, the mental security that you have when she’s around in person is much more than just talking to her on the phone.

These 3 years have been a cacophony of upheavals, a tissue of contraries. I’ve been there, done that. From agony to ecstasy. From here to eternity and back, traversing in circles and sometimes even moving out of one sphere to other. That’s how it has been, with all its masala of typhiods and dengues, crushes and smashes, antarnaads and university exams, they all give you an elevating experience that even the best Oscar winning movie fails to provide. Because, here you are the hero, the villain, and depending upon your vital statistics you might even get a heroine!!!

It all boils down to love. One that a perverted mind does not understand. One that Richard Bach tries to teach, one that Osho tries to propagate, one that I wanted, but am still unsure of whether I acquired it or not…

Note: If you want to understand how I feel, listen to these songs

Greenday – Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Linkin Park – My December
Jal – Mana Bikrohon Main