The End and Beginning of an Era

16th June, 2005. My first day as an official Third Year student. The first day for me was quite an unusual one since my day started by having a look at the presentation made for the freshers by the faculty members. The atmosphere was abuzz with activity. First Year students reaching college ahead of time; some had even come with their parents. And then the presentation began. Everyone became silent. The presentation had begun. Just then, while everything was in motion, the presentation going at its pace… just at that moment, those 45 minutes that I spend amongst an anxious and frightened crowd, reality struck me. I revisited in my thoughts my first day at college. The faculty members looked so grim and serious; the environment was so invigorating and scary. Invigorating because through the presentation, one thing was for sure, the college provided ample opportunities to improve oneself. Frightening because the norms, the tradition, the culture, the pressure all described in the presentation gave you a feeling that this was not exactly the vision of college we had in mind.

And now I was right there, looking at that presentation once again, the same faces talking about the same topics, but it was a lot less frightening. And I do mean a lot less frightening. That was the first time in these 3 years of college I felt superior to my juniors. I exactly knew where the faculty members made blunders in their presentation, I exactly knew how much each faculty is serious about his/her work, and I exactly knew what each and every faculty member will talk about. Because I had savoured almost all the flavours of college life, and they were having just an overview of what was in store for them.

But then as soon as the superiority complex simmered down, reality struck me once again, though much sharper this time, like a pang. I was right there and realised, that what I’m seeing has already been seen by me. I am not supposed to see this once again. My tenure in this college is on the verge of coming to an end, while these people, poor creatures have just begun! At the outset they are so frightened, so confused as to whether their decision of joining this college was right or not, but once they fall in love with the place, they would never wish to go back. I felt so jealous of them, as if life had been unfair to me. It was like a mockery, that they were sitting there all scared in their seats and did not realise the potential this place offered to grow, to make friends, to build relationships, and to do lots and lots more.

And I was sitting there amongst them, like a fool, like a grandfather amongst his grandchildren. Things were feeling so uneven; I felt I was committing a carnal sin by looking at something that was not meant for me! But in reality it was that pang that still existed, the stint of feeling that these people have just begun and I’m here on my way to the egress. I tell you life is sometimes unfair.