3 years of change

It has been quite some time since I left college. If you look at it from a broader perspective 4 months cannot be technically termed as ‘quite some time’. Still, after one leaves BKMIBA, it becomes increasingly difficult to let the days pass in a whim like they used to earlier.

Life has stagnated. I could say that I am standing on a crossroads deciding which path to take, or I’m on some path to ‘finding my own self’ and all that philosophical crap. But the fact is I am trying to find that solace, that energy and that magic that I found in college in the world outside. Be it my workplace, or my coaching classes, or be it the normal daily routine. And the problem is I’m unable to find a source that can match to the wonders of my college.

And even my heart knows that it is even pointless to expect the same magic that you found in college in the world outside. Before setting my feet out of the college I very well knew that such a stupendous experience would never be experienced ever again. And yet I still try to find something worthwhile, all the while knowing that my efforts are in vain.

Anyways, I do not wish to bore you further with utter philosophical nonsense..! There is no prime motive behind this email. But somehow, I felt it would be nice to share with you what I feel, since now I’m nowhere a part of the system. Once you become an outsider, it becomes easier to critically evaluate the scheme of things and you tend to take a holistic view.

All the 3 years of my college life have been vastly different. In terms of objectives, in terms of the outlook towards the system, in terms of the understanding of your own self and things like that.

First Year to be frank was primarily a year of shock. Shock in terms of the boundless energy that surrounded the atmosphere. The way people worked, the opportunities the institute provided, the stark revelations of your own flaws etc. etc. Basically here I felt it was better off to stick to the norms, be religious in terms of work designated and consider the statements of the professors as the final word which I was not supposed to question.

Each and every work was more skewed towards pleasing the higher people, making a name somewhere, somehow, making sure that I get noticed. So in a way I was using my brain the way others wanted me to use it, be it projects, or be it academics etc. There’s nothing wrong in it. Especially for starters, you need some base, so any base had to do. Because until you are well versed with the way things function you cannot add value to the same. So I was happy by following others, since I was even wanting to.

Come Second Year, and things changed a bit. I had understood things to a fairly good extent. Thus, now it was time that my own thought process added value to what I was doing. I knew that somewhere things were even going wrong, but then I considered myself to be no one to question those things. I played along, tried in my subtle ways to change things here and there. But that didn’t help much, yet I played along. Because I still didn’t have a base firm enough to question anyone.

Third Year was the year of implementation. Even today, the juniors very fondly remember my group as the bunch of students who didn’t give a damn about the attendance norms and the way professors would react to our blatant revolts.

I do agree that we had based ourselves so firmly that if we chose to withdraw ourselves from the activities happening at the institute, there would have been a definite vacuum of efficient manpower. And this very fact of our importance in the institute gave us an air of superiority. It did happen, no doubt and we all even accept it today. But we even tried our best to make sure that it didn’t get the better of us.

But frankly we all had even resolved to enjoy the last year as much as we could, so studies and academics to an extent took the back seat. And our projects took the main position.

That brings us to the touchiest topic of our entire Third Year, the group project. Just think madam, the people under whom we worked for the project for the initial 2 years and made our project as per their specifications led to we being selected for the project presentation competition.

Now the same people, in Third Year rejected our proposal at first go, and considered our proposal as ‘sub-standard’, and that project finally went forward, and bagged the project excellence award. A rejected proposal winning eventually. But the winning took a little bit of listening on our part as well. Simply because we didn’t follow what ‘they’ wanted. Simply because ‘they’ didn’t believe in our work.

I’m not once again going on a complaining drive, because I understand everyone has limitations. And you can never force anything on anyone. But then what I’ve also learned is that if you believe in something really strongly, when you know that what you want to do is far better and beneficial for your own sake, than what the rest of the world thinks of it to be, I think that ‘thing’ is definitely worth fighting for. Be it your proposal, be it your decisions regarding life or other emotional crap.

In the third year we had resolved, to enjoy the final days to the fullest, because we wanted it. And we don’t have a stint of regret doing that. Because we did what we wanted. And that was the best part of the entire Third Year.

Many a times we were always in a dilemma as to which was the best year. Was it the Second year or the Third? Because in Second Year, we were Mr. Goody Two Shoes… While in TY we were the nuisance creators. It seemed interesting experiencing both sides of a student life.

But by being Mr. Goody Two Shoes, we only satisfied others, made others happy and proud. While in Third Year, we only made ourselves happy, satisfied our own inquisitiveness, definitely for the better. The problem is, even today, I find it difficult to determine which approach to take in the years to come. What should I be? Mr. Goody Two Shoes or Dennis the Menace?

I’m searching for an answer to this. Because I know I’m not going to get a leader such as you in my following years. And if at all I do I’ll surely let you know… But yes, it’s a fact that you surely have been the best leader I’ve come across till date. Apart from all the tensions that we generated, all of us, are more than proud to have been nurtured under you.

But then, there’s also a part of us that is not very well accepted. That we stand up for what we believe in. And that in a way blotted our image. Somewhere, over the years, we need to arrive at a point of parity. Where we are in the good books and also we get what we want. Making our point clear. Or in technical terms, ‘Branding ourselves’ (probably that’s why I wish to go into marketing).

All in all, I’ve realized one thing. Its about implementing this one quote that I found in Mr. Pramod Batra’s Book,

“For 25 years, I tried to change my wife; then after thinking for 25 minutes, I thought I should change myself!”